Pondering this

So, I read this and was going to make some thoughtful and pithy comments, but it's late and I'm tired, and my wittiness (if it existed) has disappeared. The short version is that I would actually like to do foster care, and I think I'd be really good at it, but... Anthony never would. Do it, I mean, not that he'd never be good at it. I had mentioned at one point that it's something I would like to do someday, and he effectively told me he thought it was a horrible idea. So, we probably won't, or if we do, it won't be for quite some time. I don't know. It's something about my childhood that I really treasure, though. Getting to be a big sister to so many people. Understanding that... the world is kind of broken, but that we can do something tangible to make small pieces of it better. It gave me a lot of hope, which sounds a little incongruous, I suppose, given the reasons we had these children in our home. Anyway, I think it's something I could do, and do well, and I'd like to try someday. Maybe Anthony will feel differently in the future. And, we are planning to have a baby in the next year or so, so it would be really terrible timing to do foster care. But, Yondalla's post just made me think about possibilities.

Public persona

I think I've mentioned that this time of year is difficult for me--in between classes and tutoring both--I don't have a lot to occupy me. I turn introspective, and, more often than not, I tend to get a bit depressed. I don't make friends all that easily--superficial contacts, acquaintances with whom I get along quite well and chat freely, sure, no problem. I have my public persona, and she is quite amazing at getting along with people. I mean, it's not like I have multiple personalities, or anything. We all do this, we have a professional self that we present to the world--it's not the same as the self we show at home. For me, at least, that self is quite confident, a surprisingly smooth-talker, endlessly patient, and . The me at home? Not so much.

The thing is, when I present that self, I don't particularly feel like it's false, or an inaccurate representation of who I am. When I'm tutoring, or in class, I generally am quite confident; I'm in an arena in which I excel, and I relish it. So what does that say about me when I'm at home?