Desperately busy

I have so many things I'd really like to sort out, but I simply don't have the time. I have 2 major exams this week (both tomorrow), and I'm not prepared for either. I have a lab exam the following week, and then finals after that. I have to turn in college applications by Friday, just in case we don't move out of state by this fall, and come up with the money in order to cover the application fees. I have to tutor for far too many hours, go to a birthday party this weekend, visit my step-mother-in-law at the new facility she's recovering in, prepare to teach Sunday school, actually teach Sunday school, get the laundry done, the grocery shopping... ok, I'm just making myself more frantic. Classes will be over in about 2 weeks, and I'll definitely have time to post then. I'll be able to talk some issues through, and that will be good. I'm dreading the upcoming holidays, truthfully. It's just so hard not being able to talk to my parents.

Well, I'm sorry for the nothing post, but I just wanted to let you all know I'm still here and kicking. :)

In Limbo

Well, the good news is that, contrary to my previous post, Anthony's step mom was not taken off life support, they found the source of the infection and removed it. That is the good news. The bad news is that, after 3 days, she still is unable to breathe on her own and is still unable to control her limbs (although she does now have feeling in them and can move them somewhat). That is the bad news. The odds immediately after removing the source of the infection were 30%. I don't know what they are now. I haven't asked because, really, it doesn't help.

It's just hard, really. Because, on the one hand, I'm so excited that there's even a chance of recovery. But on the other, I'm afraid to hope because a 30% chance is not something I'd place money on. And I don't want to seem like I'm not grateful, because I am, and I truly believe this is God working. The roller coaster is just so hard to handle. Wow, something's wrong, this is a little scary turns into, crap, she might die, turns into, oh, she's doing much better now, she should be out of the hospital in no time, which turned into, um, she crashed really badly and we don't think she's going to survive, turns into, oh, wait, we found the source of infection, hooray, she could make a full recovery... see what I mean? It's exhausting just to type! So, I am fluctuating and trying not to drown in school work, trying to find time and energy to take care of us and help out with Anthony's family. I'm just tired right now. Hopeful and scared, but mostly just tired. It's an awful lot to handle.

This was NOT the plan

Oh, man... I started this blog today, with the intent to just write about stuff in general, how much I'm enjoying school, and I don't know, the good stuff for a change instead of all the angst and frustration of my previous blogs. I thought I'd write funny, light-hearted stuff. Or talk about how important it is to me for women to step up in math and science, to know they can do it, and how I feel about that. Just normal, every day topics. Maybe once in a while, I'd toss in some of the stuff I'm working out about my quirks from my past.

Instead, tonight, I found out my husband's step-mother will be taken off life-support on Friday when we thought she was getting better, and a friend I'd lost touch with took her own life in January. I didn't even know. I'd thought about sending her an e-mail, and never got around to it. I... I thought I wanted to write, but I don't. I just want to cry right now.

This was not the plan. It just wasn't.